In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
