everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
