I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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