i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
