Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize