Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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