i think my mom watched the whole time
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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