oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
