so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
