My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
