fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
