Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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