Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
