Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
