Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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