ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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