Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
