hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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