fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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