Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
