i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
