i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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