Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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