I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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