if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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