I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
