Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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