dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
