She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
