I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize