There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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