she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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