Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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