I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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