worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
