I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
