Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
