were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
