I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
