Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
