her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize