why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
