just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
