Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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