My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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