4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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