Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize