he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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