just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So squirting runs in the family.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
