I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
