you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
