i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
