Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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