Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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