girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
