If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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