dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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