Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize