Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
