Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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