I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
