my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
