You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
