What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
