She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
