really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
3 2 1 whiskey
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
