if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
